Anything about JUDAISM
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depressedAngel Posted - 10 December 2006 21:31
hi moderator, a rabbi that teaches me told me that respecting ur parents is a mitzva that is also dependent upon what is in ur heart. is this true? and also if it is then does it mean that if i get really mad at my parents about something but i still respect them outwardly, (meaning dont do anything to show that im mad cuz it wont help anyways) then am i over on s/t?
MODERATOR Posted - 10 December 2006 21:51
Yes, it is true. The source is the Sefer CHareidim (I:Mitzvos Teluyos Belev 35). You are not allowed to degrade your parents even in your heart.
emoticon Posted - 01 April 2009 18:34
oh no oh no oh no
I have to be me'chabed my parents in my heart? I can understand that I must treat them with total respect and I'm working on that, but...
Ummm... totally theoretical... maybe... but let's just say someone has parents who don't earn respect?
Graditude is (argueably) owed to any parent... but let's say that someone for some reason just can't respect a parent in her heart?
Is that person really 'over' an issur every time she feels...?

(I know this is old... but I found it and got kinda worried.)

emoticon Posted - 01 April 2009 18:34
Because isn't respect a result of respectable conduct?

emoticon Posted - 06 May 2009 3:48
Can someone help me out here? Because I think that I might be in serious trouble. I can't- absolutely can't- respect my father. My mother sometimes... but...?!?
I can grit my teeth and treat them with respect, but to really respect them?!?
I have no no no respect for my father and... so what am I supposed to do exactly? Respect the person who epitomizes the opposite of every one of my values? Let's just say that I can't! So then what? I'm sorry for being so incoherent but I'm really upset. Does anyone know exactly what my obligation is? Because I don't understand how I can be obligated in a result if I can't affect the cause.
emoticon Posted - 20 May 2009 5:27
I've already made it a chazakah so I might as well continue to ask...

Can someone PLEASE answer! (Hate to sound desperate but I am!)

taon Posted - 20 May 2009 23:52
You are obligated to respect them. So the question is, how can you make it so you are able to respect them, or don't have to deal with the issue altogether?


questions? go here:

emoticon Posted - 01 June 2009 1:30
What about oneis rachmana patri? Isn't this in the same category?
taon Posted - 09 June 2009 20:50
How is it an oneis? Unless you mean the first thoughts that fly into your head.


questions? go here:

emoticon Posted - 29 June 2009 20:33
If one has no hands, he is patur from the mitzvah of tefillin, isn't he?
taon Posted - 07 July 2009 17:42
Baruch Hashem, you are not crippled. You do have the ability to deal with this. Maybe if you explained more someone could help.Or if there was a way to avoid the issue for now altogether...


questions? go here:

hocking613 Posted - 15 July 2009 16:52
im so confused...i know my parents really try, but mostly, they fail miserably, and that's not really their fault, but the fact remains, here i am emotionally and sometimes physically wounded by the two people whom i should be respecting most. now what????

my chelek is my chelek; your chelek is your chelek; no one can take away anyone else's chelek. ezehu ashir hasameach bechelko.

thinking613 Posted - 12 August 2009 18:07
oh my gosh, emoticon, i really relate to what you feel! i have the same problem, and i'm just as desperate for an answer!!!

let's see if i can come up with an answer on my own... hm.. well. one thing is changing your perspective - thats always an extremely useful technique except its really really difficult. but this is how i'm trying to work on it now myself: start a list, and write down one thing every day that you can say that is good about your mother & father. ex: "abba took out the garbage, that was helpful. & ima sounded caring to her friend on the phone." add 1 more for each parent every day (or more if you can!) and slowly you'll start to see them in a more positive light.

i just started trying this for my own parents, so i don't know yet if it'll help in the long term -- but it has certainly helped a drop so far. it'll all about retraining your thought processes - rewiring your brain. like, when you think: "ewwwwww i can't believe abba is eating again in that disgusting way" if you can immediately push yourself to think "but at least he is taking care of his body by eating instead of starving" - then eventually, your brain learns to jump to that more positive thought automatically.

also, it's sometimes helpful to find a point of commonality, ex: "i, too, like to make sure that i eat enough."

whaddya think?

does anyone else have any other suggestions???

hocking613 Posted - 22 September 2009 13:57
wow, thinking, you are your name, that's a very good idea. i'll have to try that!!

my chelek is my chelek; your chelek is your chelek; no one can take away anyone else's chelek. ezehu ashir hasameach bechelko.

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