Anything about JUDAISM
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ggirl Posted - 31 August 2011 23:46
i hate trying to pretend to everyone that im a perfect innocent angel when ive experienced things in my life that i am not proud of. i need privacy and so i like to keep things to myself even though my family is so open abt things. but when i keep things inside it puts tremendous stress on me. something happened to me when i was about 10 and i repressed the memory till it came up when i was abt 14 and ive told my friends but i just cant tell my parents. i know im being very abstract but its hard for me to put out all the information. a few years has past since then and im almost ready to move onto the next stage in life, but now i have this and many things on my head. but im so scared that 1) i dont want them to send me to a therapist- im really scared of that. 2) im scared for the other boys life- whats gonna happen to him when his family finds out, he was the one that did something but we DO come from respectable families 3) nowadays when i think abt telling, i start to rethink my memory- maybe i reconstructed the memory- i remember almost everything but i was a kid and i dont know what to think. i was thinking about confronting him but when would i possibly see him, we live so far from each other and who knows if he's even at home. but its causing me problems and i'm not sure how to handle it. last year saw him at a chinese auction and it was so awkward- he was giving me strange looks. and when my mom saw him she said to send regards to his mom- what am i destroying by telling?
trying2survive Posted - 06 September 2011 8:49
If something happened to you that's been bothering you since you were 10, there is obviously something amiss. I understand when you say that you can't tell your parents what happened, but you must realize that if they are healthy people, then they are here for you to use them. Ask for help, let them guide you. Its their job. Its what they signed up for when you were born. You seem to be thinking about all the bad things that could possibly happen happen if you told them, but try thinking about the relief you would feel the moment you realized that they care for you and want to help. My advice is to ask for a private talk with them and tell them that you have something very serious to discuss and you need their support. Then proceed to tell them what's going on. I can almost assure you that something possitive will come of this.
Hatzlocha raba and may hashem be with you
HTH Posted - 09 September 2011 3:16
With regard to your memories, no 10 year old should EVER be put in the position to even think that something bad happened. So please don't second guess yourself.

With regard to the boy, I don't see how anything positive will come from confronting him. It's time to focus on the present and future, even while coping with the past.

Girl, you need to talk to someone! (Even without your parents knowing (although I can't imagine it would really hurt to tell them...).) Maybe find a Rabbi or teacher whom you're close to. Most important, it should be someone you trust, is wise, and can keep a secret.

I know it hurts to be open about it and you're a private person. It *will* hurt to share it with someone, but it's a short term hurt. Yet, the pain you carry is too much for one person. If you keep it inside, I don't know if it will ever go away. It hurts me that you're in such pain, and I daven that you find some relief from it. Please, express yourself -- I really think you'll feel much better!

soulrebel Posted - 15 September 2011 23:35
Doesn't sound like you'd destroy anything. You should probably tell someone who can do something, not necessarily family. It's not in your head, you probably remember correctly
funcused93 Posted - 15 September 2011 23:35
Abuse will only continue in secret... The second u tell your parents, whatever happned between u and this guy will no longer b able to affect you! Please trust me and tell your parents, I went through something similar and lieterally the second I told my parents it was like I got over it and it no longer affected me- yeh its prob telling them combined with therapy (which is not such a bad thing) but putting it out there really helped- A LOT!
Good luck!
taon Posted - 16 September 2011 2:33
He's may just get worse. He needs help, it's not just for your sake or for potential future victims
bowser Posted - 19 October 2011 4:16
If you don't feel comfortable telling your parents, or you sincerely think it's not a good idea, then there is no reason to tell them. You have no obligation to tell them. You do what you have to do, and at some point the time may be right to tell them.

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