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|judaism-will-live-on4ever||Posted - 27 April 2004 12:57
i have a classmate and i friend that both lost their moms this year. it's been very hard my whole skewl including myslef. how am i supposed 2 deal w/ this? and how do act around my 2 friends that lost their mom's?
|Adult||Posted - 28 April 2004 0:31
It is extremely painful. Losing a mom is a tremendous loss, and it will take you some time to adjust to it and move on. I would strongly encourage you to speak with others about your feelings towards your Mom and what the loss means to you. This will allow you to adjust to the loss while internalizing and livign with warm and loving memories of your Mother.
Regarding your two friends, you might want to approach them adn give them an opportunity to talk about their feelings about their loss. By sharing with them how you feel about it, it will allow them to share their experiences, thus giving everyone the opportunity to receive the emotional support that they definitley need at this difficult time. However, if you get the sense that they would prefer nto to discuss it, I wouldn't push it.
In any case, any kind of emotional support would be helpful for you. You might want to consider professional counseling or some kind of group therapy to receive this support.
|israel-phile gal||Posted - 17 May 2004 14:11
did te classmate's mother pass away rite after pesach bc i thin ki know who u r talkin abt...
|lay19||Posted - 17 May 2004 14:11
ok- so as i was reading ure post i was a little confused- who did u say lost their moms? class mates and u? or just class mates... i was a little confused. as to how to act around them-- from personal experiance: it depends how close u r. if ure just freindly and not so close- just act normally b/c no one likes to be treated differently. just be careful what u say-- dont be watching every other word, but just be sensitive. for example dont do what someone did to me: in front of my she was upset b/c she hadnt spoken to her mom in almost a whole week!! and she was complaining... then she saw me and realized- woops- she (me) hasnt spoken or seen her mom in almost a yr!!!! (now its more... but wtvr)
if u r close to them- it depends how their mood is. and also if theyre kind of ppl who like to talk. if they dont- never push b/c its just annoying. but if they like to talk- sometimes there r things that want to be said, but they wont bring it up b/c maybe the other person wont feel comfortable-- make it clear that ure there whenver they wanna talk. maybe at first be more careful when talking about their mom or soemthing- but then u can see after talking how they react and how comfortalbe u r... if this did not help at all-- sorry (but it helped me sort out soem of my feelings!)
|teenage twin||Posted - 17 May 2004 14:11
you shoud go to a religious therapist or make a support group or do somthing for tzedakka in her memmory
it is also a bad idea when the parent remaaries quickly for the childrens sake
|elie edie||Posted - 27 December 2005 3:35
if they ever want to talk about it, make sure to be "all ears" and most of all, make sure they feel special- i just lost my brother, and i know how it feels to lose someon close to u like that.
|nechy||Posted - 27 December 2005 9:47
Baruch Dayan HaEmes. may you have a nechama soon, and may we only hear of simchas. Oy.
i think lay's comments from a while ago bear repeating, over and over again- hopefully the message will get through to someone- ACT NORMAL. obviously this doesnt mean to go blabbing on and on around them about your mother, father brother, whoever it is, and whatever annoying thing they did, but at the same time, dont make a blatant effort to obliterate the word from your vocabulary- if it comes up, it comes up. it's pretty obvious when you're trying desperately not to say a word, and it inevitably comes out as pitying, and no one wants to be made to feel like a nebach. believe me when i say this (unfortunately i've had far too many friends go through this...), just try as best as possible to act normal, but remember to be sensitive. its a hard balance. good luck.
|sternberg4ever||Posted - 30 June 2011 23:06
like everyone was saying u rlly should act normal. Ik someone whose mother passed away, and when she came back to school from shiva, she made an announcement saying that even though her mother died, she didnt die- shes still the same. Also, whether to talk to her about it or not- i think you should go over to her at shiva, or when you find out- sometime early on, and say that even though you can never fully understand what is going on with her, b/c youve never been in that situation, you still care about her and are always there for her. After that dont push it anymore unless she looks very upset and depressed all the time. She probably would be able to fake being happy if she doesnt want anyone to help her, but if she does and is to scared or embarrased to say it, she'll probably just show her emotions. then you should go over to her again- privately! and ask her if shes okay. if she says yes, then leave her alone, she'll come to you if she wants to. just dont push anything to much
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