Anything about JUDAISM
Anything about JUDAISM
profile | register | search


This is an archived site, for new discussion please see JewsWithQuestions.com
Forums | | Post Reply Send Topic To a Friend
Author Topic
anythingwithoutit15 Posted - 15 October 2010 2:25
Hi everyone,

This year, I've decided to become more religious. I'm from a modern orthodox (to the left) family, and I decided to pursue deepening my Jewish knowledge.

The problem I am having is that people I'm friends with know me, and I feel embarrased to suddenly change (wear tzitzis, talk more seriously about Jewish topics, be less focused on girls, etc) in front of them.

I'm almost %100 sure that people on here have dealt with this. Could someone give me some encouragement or help? Thanks so much!

taon Posted - 26 October 2010 23:36
What kind of people arre your friends?

Clarify for yourself this (http://www.frumteens.com/topic.php?topic_id=19528&forum_id=38
Try acting extra kind and respectful
Be at first extra careful against people who may influence you the wrong way
find a way to let out your opinions and feelings like here or a diary
Let them see, if possible, people who are like who you want to be
remember Who you are doing this for, and Who will carry you through it
tink ahead about what may be problematic and what you can do to avoid it
if people feel uncomfortable, that's sometimes a good sign
choose your battles. not that you should give in when it;s a matter of halachah, but know when you should come up with another reason to get out of something (not going to something innapropriate because you have too
much work vs. explaining the main reason why)
If you show you're still decent and a person, they'll start to respect you, BiEzras Hashem.
Arguments will often lead to "Rabbi X said it's okay". I never figured out the correct response to this, but you can challenge the statements veracity, or point out other things that Rabbi said they dont do, or someone who they would respect who disagrees. As for the "it's just a different opinion" argument, that's tougher to disprove, but possible.
Know what you are doing and why.
you can give non-religious reasons why something is good or bad too, as long as you dont rely solely on those
Ask whats wrong with doing X. What would they say if someone from another ethnicity was doing something of their beliefs/customs/etc?
Be patient, and dont let them think you hold what they do against them personally
never even act like you may give in. Authenticity is vital.
Show you care. A lot.
Explain it's nothing against X, just other things are more important

All I can think of for now.
Shekoyach, chazak, and hotzlacha ubrocha


questions? go here:

www.frumteens.com/forum.php?forum_id=65

Grace Posted - 26 October 2010 23:36
You have to take it step-by-step. You can't quit anything cold turkey and you definitely can't change overnight. Take one thing upon yourself at a time. Start with one easy, little change. Once you've got that down-pat and your family and friends have gotten accustomed to it, pick another thing. The trick is to take is slow and pick little things.
LL3 Posted - 26 October 2010 23:36
maybe u should get better friends and more encouraging ones. i went thru a similar thing but im a girl and most ppl respected what i was doing but i know there are definitely people out there who wouldnt maybe u should find people who will. or speak to someone who knows u and ur friends well like a rabbi/teacher who can give u more specific advice.
ashtor613 Posted - 29 April 2011 1:19
BS''D
You should start wearing Tzitzis inside, and let your friends know, at least your close ones about your choices. I went through a huge change in high school, im now in 10th grade. Going into ninth grade, i wasnt shomer, nor was i from a religious family, nor was i keeping Kosher, or Shabbos, but I loved H'. This year I walk around proudly with a happy heart, wearing a black hat, and Tzitzis out, and people do accept it, even in a co ed school. I dont touch girls, and trust me its the best thing to keep Shomer HaBris to be Shomer Negiah and to guard your eyes well. Guardyoureyes is essential :D
all the best with your future success, take it slow but let everyone know one Mitzvah at a time. There will be tests but H' is on YOUR side :)

Click Here To Close Thread, Administrators & Moderators Only.

Show All Forums | Post Reply