Anything about JUDAISM
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soulrebel Posted - 24 August 2010 0:26
i prefer real-life, face-to-face freindship over online stuff, but once my parents banned several of my friends, i decided to creaate a FB page to keep up with my friends. and also, everyone has one, but that was only a minor factor.

i dont have a gazillion FB freinds. the ppl im friends with i have 1- met in person 2- gotten along with and had civil interaction. if i was allowed to talk to them on the phone, i'd immediatley unfriend the local ones. i know this isnt how most ppl use FB, but this is just for backround.

so my parents found out somehow, i dont know how. i was always really careful too, never acessing it from any internet devices at home.

boy, were they steamed! since i have it on the most secure settings possible,they can's see anything beyond teh profile pic, which is just a pic of my head. they want total access (login name and password), but no way am i doing that- that would be like lettign them read my letters and diary and listen to my phone conversations, and frankly, i'd die of embarrasment.

lets get real- even if youre not saying anything wrong or inappropriate, there are just some things a person doesnt share with their parents!

i care about my freindships, and won't cut off friends just becuase i am told to.

how should i cope?

josh1 Posted - 12 September 2010 23:16
These friendships can only be had on facebook?
josh1 Posted - 12 September 2010 23:16
Reading it again I can see your problem...

Why dont your parents want them to be your friends? Are they bad influences? Involved in the wrong type of things?

4-Eyes Posted - 12 September 2010 23:16

I'm not really sure what to say, soulrebel. why'd your parents ban your friends? Did they feel that they were (are?) a negative influence on you? either way, unless these are unusula circumstances, you should obey your paretns as much as you can. Maybe ask them if you can delete your fb account instead of giving them total access. and do it in front of them so that they know you really did ot. I mean, wouldn't you prefer not having the account to having yuor parents being able to see all of your private info (and possibly putting in some comments of their own using your account)? of course, there's alwyas email, but you really shouldn't disobey and disrespect your parents.
sorry, I know that you posted this about two weeks ago. did anything happen? How'd it go?

soulrebel Posted - 17 September 2010 18:25
a few words of explanation on my friends: i have all types of friends, not like token friends, but because i just can connect to a lot of different types of people. every time a friend needs something, they go to me- because they know i know someone who can help them out. they range from age 22 to age 14, and i am nearly 17.

these friends include people from every school i've attended, camp, work...just from around the neighborhood too. nothing really weird.

sure, some friends i have do stuff. i do stuff too, but not because they do, but becasue i want to. no one i know is involved in anything illegal, and i want to keep it that way. yeah, some of them have bfs and gf's, and i give them advice that works (they keep asking)- but i really dont see myself risking my family's reputation and all until after high school. every time i consider anything, i ask myself why im considering it- and dont do it if the answer is "because theyre doing it", and it hasnt improved their lives.

some of these friends are guys i know from back in the day, so theyre banned from my life for being guys. girls my parents percieve as beign too irreligioius were banned. my nonjewish girlfriends were banned.

now, about security: 4-eyes, i thoguht of that from the beginning. i have a distinct writing voice, and my friends know my general opinions and personality.

my parents, if they were able to hack, dont have enough information to put on a good show of being me, because the page was a continuation of real life and they dont know what went down in real life. still, if my postings get weird, my freinds have a secret email adress to email me at for an explanation.

i refuse to cut my friends out. its not who i am.

i cant make any kind of deal with my parents becasue they don't want to see things form my point of view. i have tried to see things from their perspective, and think that theyre thinking along the lines of "our daughter isnt turning out like we'd like. and if she doesnt end up our way, who knows what will happen?" they have a very black and white perception of the world- they naturally fit their definition of "right", and i fit their definition of "wrong"

i try not to provoke them. i get good grades, study, help around he house and wiht my siblings. believe me, if i wanted to bother them, i'd do what i want to do openly. in light of all i dont do out of respect for tehm, i feel hat i need this to stay sane. if this was 50 years ago, my freinds and i would write letters and find ways to meet more in secret- but with a more conveinient way, why not?

just because theyre older doesnt make it right for them to stifle me. i'm not deleting my account. when i move out i wont delete it either, but i will resume normal interaction with people ASAP

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