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|Neshama13||Posted - 12 March 2010 3:50
I get filled up with this choking crippling hatred at myself for procrastinating or doing anything wrong. People tell me I'm much too hard on myself, but if I'm not then I end up spiraling downwards into conscienceless sin. I know that a method that the Satan uses to get you to sin is by making you very critical of yourself so you lose hope. I end up getting so filled up with that crippling feeling that my schoolwork starts sliding and I yell at everyone. It's because I don't accept myself, and since I recognized that I came a long way in accepting myself, but sometimes when the acrid bitterness burns my heart I feel at a loss. I know this sounds so hysterically typical of a struggling teen, but to be nice to myself I feel like I need to get this out here in writing. I used to think about suicide so often... and I don't really have such a low self-esteem because now I've stopped dreaming about suicide, and I'm Baruch Hashem (Thank G-d) pretty popular in school, but I guess it's something I'll always struggle with throughout my life because I have an Inferior Complex, so I'm never really so sure that I'm loved. I'd appreciate any sort of response. Thank you, whoever read this.
|pittgirl15217||Posted - 21 March 2010 21:14
Okay so i'm not sure if this will help but here goes: i used to be a really big perfectionist- in fact i still am a little but what really helped me a lot was looking at the way i act in a realistic type of way not over dramtically. Let me explain: i used to think that i cant change the way i look at things and that's just the way i'm going to be (kind of like you and you're inferiority complex) then i realized that being a perfectionist means i cannot separate the way i do by who i am. In other words when i would get a 92% on a test i would see myself as a 92% person. What's a 92% person?????????? that's exactly wat i asked myself. and i realized that there is no such thing- it's all in my head. I cant assume anything bec i dont know anything about you except what you wrote in your post but i can say that it seems to me that alot of this is in your head. STOP OVER-ANALYZING YOURSELF! you have friends, i'm assuming you have a family and even if you procrasinate now and then i'm sure you're not failing misrably. Take it from me, a reformed perfectionist who is now getting a C in AP Calculus- but you know wat, im not upset bec AP calculus is tough and i'm doing my best. So my advice to you is to try to be the best you that you can be- dont tell yourself you have an inferiority complex, and enjoy life!
|Jacobeli||Posted - 18 April 2010 21:35
great respsonse- just had to say that-
goodluck and if you put your mind to it you can really accomplish it (or anything really) as you know its not a good trait to be a perfectionist..if you dont mind getting G-d involved for a second, lol - on a serious note- G-d created all of us the way we are and the reason why i am responding to this post( i was about to just go on) is beacause i think i am a little judgmental of myself and have a slight In complex too so i know where yur coming from ( i think ) sorry for all these parenthes i hope you can follow its past midnight and im working on like no sleep but to get to the point - G-d gave us our strengths and weaknesses and aside from noone being perfect- we have to try our best and not get down..thats what the yetzer hara wants and our objectove in life is to conquer him! i hope it was a help-
Goodluck! U can do it! :)- oh and about suiceide- just becase you thought of it in te past it doesnt mean it will be an ongoing thing- with g-ds help things will work out and we should alk realize that this is what Hasehm wanr from us and everyone is diff with specific strengths and weaknesses! take care
I hope I was helpful!
|sinkwater||Posted - 27 April 2010 1:42
thank you, this helped me
|Neshama13||Posted - 03 May 2010 21:17
thank you pittgirl, your response was dead on the mark! I do tend to over-analyze myself and the fact that i do something wrong does not make me an inferior person. Thank you for your wise reply.
|hopeless bachur||Posted - 12 May 2010 15:37
I think that I feel the same way. I try to tell myself that I view everything from a torah viewpoint, so I wouldnt get angry over stupid things, but it doesnt seem to work all the time.
when it comes to procrastinating, I have the same issue, which is sort of why i just came onto this website. Baruch Hashem i have been accomplishing finally, but as of late certain issues have been bringing me down. anyways, i think it's important for you to feel that you are accomplishing.
I dont know who you are, or what youre goals are, but i can give you some advice based off myself, and you can try to apply it to your life. im a guy, duh, hopeless bachur, and i like learning, but i feel like i never accomplish anything, i.e. never finished any mesechta, etc. the main issue i found is that i take too much on at once. for example, i want to finish the mesechta that my yeshiva is learning, but i also want to learn meseches Shabbos on Shabbos ,as there is an inyan to do so, etc. i also want to learn hilchos Shabbos better, because they are very important halachos. i also want to learn hilchos brachos, which may even be more important than hilchos Shabbos. then again, i daven every day, so i should probably learn all the hilchos of tefilla.
taking on too much at once is overwhelming, no doubt. you need to take one thing at a time, and complete it. Ive chosen Hilchos Brachos, and meseches sukkah, and im slowly learning them, reviewing them so i actually remember it and know it, because that actually helps me feel more accomplished than just rushing through things. what are your goals that you want to achieve?
|pittgirl15217||Posted - 31 May 2010 22:39
I'm glad I was able to help!
|josh1||Posted - 02 June 2010 16:27
Well tell me if this makes sense. You said that you are hard on yourself. But you said you are hard on yourself after procrastinating or not doing something. I think thats where the problem lies. Its good to be "hard on yourself". This however does not mean that after you procrastinate or fail to do something, you then should be upset. Being hard on yourself should occur before, and it should lead you to not procrastinate, but jump up and take care of whatever it is right away. Being hard on yourself (by not letting yourself be lazy) is the only way that its good to be hard on yourself. If something happened already, then you should not be hard on yourself, because whats done is done. Thats what I think.
|<3rochela||Posted - 27 June 2010 22:02
i feel like i have so much to work on but idk wat to start with!! some ppl have said bitachon, but i feel like thats impossible for me. then i was thinkin self esteme but that also seems way out there!
how do i chose wats most important?
|josh1||Posted - 12 September 2010 23:16
Just start doing one thing! Then move on to the next. It makes no difference what you start with, only that you are doing things and they get done!
|Neshama13||Posted - 19 September 2010 23:03
I suggest working on personal prayer. Write down a list of things you want to talk to G-d about and just make sure to say it once every day. You will start seeing pretty fast how miracles occur when you start bringing G-d into your life. The more you talk to Him the more you make Him a part of your life and the happier and more secure you are!!!
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