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|Torahcool||Posted - 10 February 2010 16:04
Hey guys, Im 14, a guy, and becoming frum in a non frum home. My parents arent happy with it, so i have to hide alot of the Mitzvos i do, like wearing tzitzis in etc. B''H H' protects me every step of the way, and when i really mean a Mitzvah, i dont get caught. I have done some bad things previously, i was very silly and gave into my temptations very easily. At 13 i did some bad things with girls, but not sex B''H! I recently made it regular for me to wear Tzitzis in my co-ed Jewish School, and all the time. I also try to wear a hat, kippah, or both as much as i can. I cant be shomer Shabbos, because a music program im in, and getting out isnt really an option, but i minimize the Melacha i do and try to Daven/ go to shul at risk of being recognized. I dont want to be seen as the Ba'al Teshuva that knows nothing, rather the kid that knows alot, and just needs to add practice to the mix. I need chizzuk, and i kissed a girl last night and feel bad. I am also now Shomer habris though, and took the option of sex before marrige, or anything besides kissing, and put that away for good. I need chizuk to go up on the scale, i can learn Torah, read Hebrew etc. I just need to get better and better, and i need your help. thanks :)
|aniohevetyisrael||Posted - 02 March 2010 16:05
First off, it sounds to me like you are really trying to get better and fix old bad habits. This is very hard, but so worth it! I know that if you keep on trying, HKBH will help you and guide your path.
One thing that may also help is if you try to minimize any unecessary interactions with girls. I know that going to a co-ed school makes complete separation impossible, but you can try to not hang out with girls after school, for example. Try not to talk to them so much....find other outlets for your socialization needs. See if you can find a group of other boys that may want to form a study-buddy group, and you can learn together some key tools to use in your spiritual growth.
Also, you mentioned that you don't want to be thought of as a baal teshuva that knows nothing. I can definitely understand this feeling.....I am a convert, so it has been bad for me too in this respect sometimes. People don't realize how much it hurts if they, with completely good intentions, explain a RIDICULOUSLY obvious Hebrew word or custom to a "newbie." I have been studying Hebrew and Judaism for ten years, so it can be very hurtful when people say stuff like this. I have literally had people say to me in shul, "Do you see those little books people are holding over there? They are called prayer books, or SIDDURIM, and WE pray with them." (emphasis on the WE...i.e. WE do, and YOU'RE not one of US) OY, OY, OY!! :) The best we can do is just politely and kindly let people know where exactly we stand in our knowledge so that any efforts on their part to help us learn won't be hurtful and can actually help us grow. People don't mean it when they say things like this, and because they haven't been in situations like ours, they don't realize how hurtful it can be. We just need to try and be as kind and receptive as we can, and not be too fragile in our receipt of these well-meant comments.
Now, for your parents....the thing to remember is that your relatively new interest in a Torah-true lifestyle can be somewhat of a shock to them. They may feel as though they have raised you inadequately, since you suddenly have to go looking for different answers yourself in Judaism. So, the bottom line is, give them just a little slack. Try to accord them the honor and respect that they deserve as parents, and they will see that this new life of yours is something to be proud of and soemthign that draws you closer, not further away, from them. If they are led to associate your observance of the mitzvot with an increased respect and responsibility on your part, they will probably eventually come to support you and your decisions. Just keep in mind the all-important mitzvah of kibbud av v'aim and this may inspire the same kind of mitzvah observance in them!
Sooo....to sum up, please don't be ashamed of where you stand in your growth process! Everyone is something of a baal teshuva, because all of us can stand some improvement in some area of our lives. It's OK to ask for help, just like it's OK to let people know that you already know some stuff! That's great that you know hw to read Hebrew and how to daven. Now, just slowly begin incorporating more and more mitzvot into your life, and HKBH will take care of the rest! Hatzlacha v'chazak!!! :)
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?"--Hillel
|jewishgirl1||Posted - 12 March 2010 3:44
Learn more torah.
|hocking613||Posted - 12 March 2010 3:44
wowowowowowowowowowowowowow! the more you do you get more reward!!! and also, the amount of pain you get from trying to do a mitvah directly ups the reward, imagine how much you'll get if you plus this succeed!!!!! all the luck in the world and even more, g-d's help!!!!!
my chelek is my chelek; your chelek is your chelek; no one can take away anyone else's chelek. ezehu ashir hasameach bechelko.
|qazwsxedc||Posted - 18 March 2010 0:56
your on the right track!! im your age and almost same thing happened to me but b''h i got out of it b4 it got worse! you just gotta beat ur yetzer hara. i know you can do it!
|josh1||Posted - 18 March 2010 0:56
Start looking for a good orthodox school where you live. Its much easier to learn now while you are young.
|ashtor613||Posted - 08 April 2011 3:37
Hey guys, its me again. The one who made the first post above, i just made a new account because i didnt get my password right. I am 15, wear a black hat, keep shabbos, and my parents cook me special food. I daven 3 times a day, and learn Chitas, Gemarah, Mishnah, and was in a part time Yeshiva on sundays of Rav Yoshiyahu Yosef Pinto Shlita. My Chabad Rabbis were EXTREEMLEY helpfull, and really pulled me out of the hole of aveiros i was in, to a place of great Kedusha, where i can surround myself with the kedoshei Kedoishim...also, i am Shomer Negiah, and Shomer HaBris, it was a hard way up but i want to only keep climbing. I am still in a co ed school and have certian problems with my parents, but they are even growning! My Father made a resolution recently to make sure our vegetables are clean and bug free always, and he made that for himself!!! H' has sent the most INCREDIBLE Yeshuos, if your in such a situation keep climbing. Hatzlocha Rabbah
|cupcake||Posted - 14 April 2011 3:28
wow you sewriously just made my day! i promise i'm so happy for you and you're such and inspiration for all. keep goin ur doin great! :)
|SmileySimcha123||Posted - 15 September 2011 23:35
I think you should keep on doing those Mitzvos! I've had some problems in the past but the most important thing is to STUDY STUDY STUDY. Torah will give you the strength you need (:
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