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Addudy16 Posted - 28 December 2009 1:33
I registered on this website when I was 16 as the name implies. Now I am 25 and have a few words to say about self-esteem, in retrospect. I never realized that I had low self-esteem and I think that this might be a problem for many people. In fact, I thought that I thought highly of myself, in a humilitistic sort of way but you can not have true humility if you don't know your true greatness. Let me first point out a commonly mistaken notion. Some people, when told they are good or good at something reply with something like, "No, I'm not really that great. Etc. etc." Would you say that if you were talking about someone else? If some third person was praised in your presence would you have the audacity to say, "No, they're not really that great."?? That would be degrading, insulting, and loshon hora. So how can you say that about yourself? You are not allowed to say loshon hora about yourself (and certainly not to believe it). In fact, it was only when I realized my true greatness in the eyes of G-d did I realize that I had been suffering from low self-esteem most of my life. G-d thinks I'm great. He created me because he believes in me. He gave me special talents, abilities, and propensities that make me unique. He keeps me alive because He obviously wants me around. He gave me a soul! A gift from the highest of worlds. He created me in his image. How can I view myself as worthless when He doesn't?
When I thought about this I wondered why i hadn't thought about it before and the answer came to me: low self-esteem. That means that despite my awareness of who I was I still considered it insignificant when compared to my faults but in truth, they are not two sides of the same coin. My faults are my own problems that I must deal with but they have no bearing on the quality of who I truly am.
I have been told over and over in my life, in words, connotation, and context, that I am no good, intrinsically. The Rambam in Hilchos De'os says that constant repetition changed the very essence of a person. If someone is told over and over that they are no good, they will begin to believe it. The same is true about the flip-side. If seomone repeats over and over to you that you are something then you will begin to believe that too. Boruch Hashem there was someone there to do it for me, and over the years I had built up a very positive self-image but it took the awareness of my previous low self-esteem in order for the true one to "kick in".
JewishAndProud! Posted - 09 March 2010 0:25
Wow, Addudy16! Thank you so much for your wise words and offering me such a new and different perspective! I will never forget what you said!

The user name says it all...

mop Posted - 12 March 2010 3:18
thanks that really helped! :)
happyJewishgirl Posted - 12 March 2010 3:18
amazing post! I never thought about that. I remember once hearing that if a person thanks you for something, you shouldn't say "it was nothing" I guess thats a similar idea
tikva4eva Posted - 12 March 2010 3:44
thanks so much! that was really nice!
Sdude1098 Posted - 17 May 2010 22:48
I try to take this lesson into real life whenever I am complimented or thanked, I say thank you and continue to show that it did not go unnoticed as I keep the trait that was complimented strongly.

(I was complimented as to how organised and honest I was at work because of my time-sheets that I draft up that show everything that I am taking into account. (since I work by the hour, I split the hour up into quarter hours if necessary so that my employers get exactly the money's worth)

So in response, I make sure to have my time sheets ready and make as much sense as possible.

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