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|janedoe||Posted - 05 November 2009 3:25
I'm begining sihdduchim this year and I am petrified. I have an Eating Disorder. Anyone who does any sort of research on me will find out about it since it isn't a secret. I've been hospitalized and have had ups and downs since I developed it 6 years ago. Some say that one never recovers from an ED and that we just learn how to control our disordered tendencies. I come from a typical flatbush family and am completely terrified. What'll be? How will shidduchim go? Any prewarnings? What should I expect? What should I do? Say? I'm really worried.
I want to get married and have a large family, Iy'h. I also know that though I am always working on Recovery, I have ups and downs. I want to be straightforward about my issues...but will that send them all scurrying away? Will I have to "Take" something? Waht does that mean?
PLease, help me. Girls that have been through this parsha and boys- tell me wht you would say to a girl with an ED. What would you think? Be concerned about?
|reach4thestars||Posted - 29 November 2009 16:05
jane doe -
first of all, you are going through a lot. i don't know what it is like having an eating disorder, so i cant relate to you about that - but i know it must be really hard for u to cope with it.
janedoe..you have to try to think positively. really, it sounds kind of cliche, i know. (but that's what keeps me going!) you'll meet a guy, bezras hashem, who will accept and love you for who you are! and if there are guys out there who run off just bec of your ed, u know that they are not meant for you.
hashem will get u thru this! just keep the faith in Him - and everything will be well, bezras hashem!
hope i helped!!
|sandythedog||Posted - 29 November 2009 16:12
First and foremost: be yourself and be honest. That doesnt mean you have to share everyhthing, especially not right away, but don't lie. It wont help you.
Next: those who care don't matter, and those who matter won't care. You're handling it, and yes, the guy you will iy"H marry will have to know what he's getting into, if he's willing to and if he'd be able to indentify and help you if you would c"vs slip. If the boy knows about it, and is still willing to go out, give it a chance. If he doesn't turn you down, it doesn't mean you can't turn him down if you feel it's now right for you. REMEMBER THAT! You have a choice and there will be boys out there willing to date/marry someone with an ED so dont sweat it out! Just make sure he's a supportive type
good luck and just take it a step at a time.
|josh1||Posted - 16 December 2009 17:38
honey, do you think that you are the first girl or last with this issue? Well breath easy, bc you are not. Its going to be ok. Some may decide that bc of it they dont want to go out with you, but dont worry, there are plenty of people that it wont bother and you will find your match. Hashem should make a it a quick and easy process for you.
|tourogal||Posted - 30 December 2009 22:15
On a date recently, the guy took me out to restaurant, and, being an eating-disordered candidate and therefore phobic of some foods, I ordered a fruit salad and requested that they do not put the light sugary syrup on top of it. When it arrived, however, I realized that they HAD put the sugary syrup on it after I had already taken 2 bites. I immediately became visibly agitated. "is something the matter?" The boy asked. I, being too embarrassed to admit the truth said: "No, it's just that I dislike when restaurants don't follow special requests. At this point, I practically lost control. I was so nervous and aggravated (imagine eating something you're phobic of with an eating disorder!) "What if I would be allergic to the syrup?" I asked. "They are running a major risk." "I'm so sorry" said the boy, "Why don't we ask them to fix that for you." Although I kept insisting: "No, it's ok" he nevertheless called the waiter. When he brought back my fruit salad, I could easily spot that all the waiter did was spill the syrup out, as the sweetness of the fruit salad was equivalent to the sweetness before the date had complained to the waiter. By then I just had it and the entire date was practically killed.
TO be honest, I did not like the guy and he was very immature anyway, but my point is, PLEASE, for your own sake, fix your eating disorder before it spirals out of control and affects not only your personal life, but shidduchim as well.
|psyched||Posted - 04 January 2010 23:25
Your question is loaded. Please know the following:
To have a healthy family, you must be fully recovered. I don't only mean in order to bear children, I mean in order to be a healthy giving wife and mother, you need to be fully recovered.
Secondly, Hashem can and does do anything. I married the first boy I went out with, at age 19. He's a wonderful exceptional husband and father today, and I suffered from an ED for years.
Daven, daven, daven.
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