Anything about JUDAISM
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hocking613 Posted - 15 July 2009 5:03
I can't stand this! Every time something bad happens to me, which is a lot, b"h yom yom, I cannot cry. Bad as in, my friend and confidante died; my "second mother" died; my grandfather and great-grandmother died in the same year, things like that. I don't compare myself with other people, but when you think about it, when things like this happen to other people, they cry, for heaven's sake!
I can think of one reason: my parents are both sick, and i'm the oldest, which gives me A LOT of responsibility. so when i was younger and was responsible for three children other than myself, i set the mood; therefore, if i cried, they would, too. my mother's emotional condition was such - and sometimes still is - that i was/am the protector, therefore, i couldn't/can't cry...could I?

my chelek is my chelek; your chelek is your chelek; no one can take away anyone else's chelek. ezehu ashir hasameach bechelko.

gucigirl Posted - 12 August 2009 18:07
I think that every morns in a different way. in your position, don't beat yourself up because you don't cry or do the same things as everyone else does! It's not healthy to allow yourself to not feel any emotions and although I do understand the feeling of having to be strong for others around you and keep their spirits in good hopes, sometimes you need to take care of yourself. If that means simply going in your room for 5 minutes and letting it all out, or even getting a sitter and taking the day off than so be it, but don't beat yourself up for not being able to cry. That alone doesn't make you any more or less of a person, there's nothing to be ashamed of, you'll cry when it's necessary, but don't beat yourself up for it.
taon Posted - 12 August 2009 18:07
Not everyone cries. See Aharon's response to the deaths of Nadav and Avihu. Silence. I don't cry much, if at all at big things either, though for some reason I do at small things. And I have heard others sayy they dont cry either. It does not mean anything except that you release pain differently.


questions? go here:

proud jew Posted - 26 August 2009 21:30
i had the same problem my terapist said its just nature i know and feel your pain im sorry to hear that someone else suffers the same problem that i suffer from. all the best
josh1 Posted - 07 September 2009 0:51
Im not a doctor, but crying I think is healthy. So if you cannot cry maybe it would be good to have someone help you fix that? I think that its good because its an outlet for emotions. If thats the case there can be other outlets as well. For some its writing poetry, for others it may be something else. Maybe you have some other way to let out your emotions.
dsmm Posted - 16 September 2009 15:22
i wish i was able to really cry. sometimes i let myself have a few tears, but i feel too vulnerable when i cry.
hocking613 Posted - 22 September 2009 13:57
you should know that crying is HEALTHY and a sign of STRENGTH. sounds funny from the asker of the question above, but i know that. the reason i don't/didn't cry was because the other kids didn't know and would've been scared.
btw, i've progressed a lot. the other night, my best friend got engaged, and i cried from sheer joy on and off half the night. :)

my chelek is my chelek; your chelek is your chelek; no one can take away anyone else's chelek. ezehu ashir hasameach bechelko.

acara Posted - 24 September 2009 15:35
whoa people on this website have such problems i feel so stupid now.
you are amazing, i can barely take care of my little brother for a few hours a day when my mom is working. im so sorry about your parents.
btw, i also have your problem, about not being able to cry...i have never cried when praying, when someone dies, when something sad happens, i don't even cry when the love of my life asked out my best friend and she accepted even though she knew it would kill me like it is doing. i never cry.
i think you understand yourself really well, and i wouldn't worry. i think you give yourself too much responsibility so you see the world through a different lens, rather than being a victim, you control things and are the one who has to set the mood as you said. there are more important things. changing daipers, putting dinner in the oven, homework. you have to do it all, so you have set in your mind that you don't have the right to cry...
for me, its just that i think i don't know how... im very complicated. i wouldn't compare our situations.
sorry for making this all about me.
hocking613 Posted - 01 November 2009 17:48
interesting ideas here...i think i'll have to try some of them out. thank you very much e/o! i appreciate it.
btw, my therapist didn't say a/t about it, she just said, "very interesting, how do you feel about that," typical therapist that's why I asked here.

my chelek is my chelek; your chelek is your chelek; no one can take away anyone else's chelek. ezehu ashir hasameach bechelko.

jewishgirl1 Posted - 05 November 2009 3:07
Can I ask you a question?

Do you FEEL like crying and then the tears just don't come?

Or to you feel emotionally numb?

JewishAndProud! Posted - 29 November 2009 16:12
Hocking, I cant even relate. I'm like the most emotional person there is out there. But, you DON'T have to cry in order to be show that your sad.
For example, last year the dean of my school passed away. Everybody was crying. Everybody, but my one of my friends.
I remember she was like to me: "Oh my gosh, I really want to cry-but, I just cant! I feel so bad!"
And, what do you think I told her?
Tears really don't prove anything...well, not all the time! Some people can just cry to get pity, some just cry cuz everyone else is crying...some just cry cuz they broke a nail!
Anyway, the important thing is: You need to express whatever you are feeling. But, it doesn't have to be through crying.
It can be by writing about your feelings down on a peice of paper. Or, punching your pillow...or even just screaming!
Just don't hold back!

The user name says it all...

Jacobeli Posted - 04 January 2010 23:25
wow, great response by sure others were also good i didnt read them all..
just a quicxk though...My younger sister cries easily..i mean when somethings sad..let me clarify..shes in 10th grade *not like a lil grl) so today she came hoem from schoola nd said one of her friends was just diognosed with diabetis...and she said she was balling in class and then i said not to be mean just curios" u grls cry so much" then she went to say that like noone else was crying but her..shes just very emotional which isnt bad or good it just is...i mean when she told me I was sad..i didnt cry though..sever years ago this ghrls brother who i actually went to school with (samer grade) also got diabetis and i didnt cry its just sad- the point os that not everyone cries, everyone shows their emotions in different ways...If someone just has no heart as i saw womeone asked..if that was the problem there might be ways to work on that to become mroe sensitive...also im sure it doesnt aply to you but there are people out there that dont have tear ducts which means they cant cry...just something interesting...I really wish I was able to cry easier like in prayers and really mean it just everyone different and we show emotions differntly- but like i keep finding myself say- speak to someone who knows you bec this whole impersonal thing over the internet is very hard to determine the actual circumstance...Goodlucka nd be well!

I hope I was helpful!
All the best!

jackie545 Posted - 24 January 2010 21:19
It is true that some people morn differently. but i happen to be a person that has a high tolerance for pain.....its like a large cup and with each tragedy it fills and slowly but surely the cup overflows and that is when i crack....meaning i cry...!! it sounds like you are not much of a cryer but i suggest that you find a way to deal with your loss because many times it happens that a person ends up damaged because they have so much bolted up inside and they never let it out!!
hocking613 Posted - 09 March 2010 0:25
sorry, i've been away for a while.
jewishgirl1: no i'm not emotionally numb, b"H...i feel like crying and it just doesn't happen. i could choke from it!
mop Posted - 12 March 2010 3:18
wow this sounds vey stressing, crying helps you feel better, it's not good to hold everything back, just dont do it in front of the little ones, when you let out your tears it feels good (but only when you need to)
jewishgirl1 Posted - 12 March 2010 3:50
Maybe you afraid of what others might think of you. You might be afraid that you will feel vulnurable and weak. It's possible that you feel comfortable keeping up a front up and not expressing yourself in order to show that everything's Ok.
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