Anything about JUDAISM
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BUDSIE Posted - 04 January 2001 4:50
Is it against halacha to something your parents don't like if it's not something that's assur? For example if it's an accepted rule in your house not to go to movie theaters and you go, is it an aveira?
MODERATOR Posted - 04 January 2001 6:32
It is prohibited to go to movie theaters as it is Moshav Letzim. This has been discussed extensivly elsewhere on these boards.

A "kepeidah shel shtus" - something that your parents want from you that gains them nothing, is not in the M'Doraisa obligation of Kibud Av Va'Em. It may be obligatory M'Drabonon, however. Certainly it is a Chesed to your parents to fulfill their wishes anyway.

21 Posted - 04 January 2001 6:54
What about a "kepeidah shel shtus" where they'll never know? does that still fall under issur mdrabanan

MODERATOR Posted - 04 January 2001 6:56
No, it does not. In such a case it is permitted.
rachel2001 Posted - 08 January 2001 2:11
so... i can just do stuff behind their backs without feelign guilty? thats really cool. what about skool rules that dont go against halacha?
MODERATOR Posted - 08 January 2001 5:25
If you know for a fact that they will never find out, and it is somethign that your parents do not gain from, there is no obligation of Kibud Av Va'em.

However, there are other reasons to refrain from doing thigns besides Kibuv Av V'aim. If the issue is one of Halacha or Hashkafa, that itself, even without any Kibuv Av issues, obligates you to do it.

I would not advise breaking the school's rules regardless of whether they are obligatory according to the Torah since (a) you could get busted and (b) the rules may be made for your own good.

Edited by - admindealing on 1/9/2001 5:45:31 PM

ni Posted - 09 January 2001 22:28
What about Grandparents?
MODERATOR Posted - 09 January 2001 22:46
Same thing.
ni Posted - 10 January 2001 2:14
I meant are they on the same level as your parents in regard to all kibud?
rachel2001 Posted - 10 January 2001 6:06
of course right now i think its great that were not violating kibud av if our parents dont find out, but when im a parent i dont think ill stil feel that way. even if what im asking of my kid isnt neccesarily against halacha or anything, i stil wouldnt want them doing stuff i wouldnt approve of in the future. and if they did do it, i would want them to be open with me. it kind of bothers me that this is totaly ok according to the torah.
MODERATOR Posted - 10 January 2001 9:06
Well, the idea is that everyone in this world is entitled to their own opinion and their own choice of lifestyle, of course within the guidelines of the Torah. So if the parents want the kid to do something that has nothing to do with the parents, like let's say they don't want him to wear a blue suit because they don't like it, that is not obligatory on the kid. But we say let's be nice to the parents anyway and not freak them out even though its really none of their concern.

But if they never find out that the kid wore the blue suit, what's the point of not doing it?

Q1 Posted - 10 January 2001 22:38
Imho, I dont think grandparents have same halacha as parents in regard to kibud but they would be in the same category as other older people who it is proper to respect
rachel2001 Posted - 10 January 2001 22:43
ok makes sense.
singing Posted - 22 December 2003 6:45
whats mashav letzim?
masha Posted - 23 December 2003 4:19
wat about in the case of marriage? if some1 wants to get married, but the parents are against the idea for wtvr reasons, is the child still obligated to abide by the parents rules?


MODERATOR Posted - 23 December 2003 4:22
No, he does not have to abide by the parents rules in that case.

Moshav letzim means a "group of jokers". See the first perek in Tehillim.

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