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|Bas Melech 225||Posted - 09 September 2008 20:55
K,so i dunno if this was posted already (it probably was), but i was just wondering...
the word "abuse" gets thrown around a lot, especially in this forum, i was wondering exactly wat it is. i know physical abuse, but wat abt the other types--wat constitutes verbal abuse? if a/o knows or can direct me to the right place on the site, that'd be awesome.
"V'Ani Kirvas Elokim Li Tov"
|imTRAPPED.help||Posted - 12 September 2008 0:38
well...to be very general, there are 3 main types of abuse. physical, verbal, and sexual. i can tell u most abt physical abuse because in matter of fact, i am abused at home. ill tell u wat i mean. my parents every day abuse me. they hit me, shove me, and do terrible punishments to me. my mom is abusive because she is sik in the mind- from drugs, alcohol..etc...my dad is the same, but he is usually never home. im treated lower than dirt in my family, and im not even considered part of the family. the thing is that im the only one. im alone- my brother who is older than me is treated like a king at home. he was brainwashed to abuse me 2 by my mom. im the only 1 abused cuz im considered the bad kid in my family: i was always bad in skool, stealing, lying...etc..so, i guess i desreve it. i try to think of myself as pretty strong. i know all the tricks: u never ever cry in front of anyone cuz it is a major sign of defeat. in skool, wen everyone asks u abt the bruises, cuts,etc., u always make up a half-decent sounding story. my mom locks me in my room for hours wenever im not good and she doesnt let me out till way later. the worst part is the food situation. every one shud be grateful for the food they have. i only get food if i do all my work at home (all the chores) which is usually only once or twice a day. (depends on the day, and my mom's mood) if im good, i usually get the scraps from my brothers food. at skool, ppl. always give me food cuz they r decent ppl., but it never lasts long, cuz my mom makes me purge it wen i get home. she knows all my tricks. anyways, at this point in my life, it is better than usual. i go to skool for most of the day so i only have to suffer for 6 hours a day instead of 12. but its terrible. i wish there was somehting that i can do...i wish someone wud pik me up and take me away from my abusive mother. but....thats life. i was ment to be tortured my whole life. thats wat hashem wants 2 happen to me. i just wish that He wud just kill me instead of making me suffer a long and hard death. anyways, sorry if i am getting too detailed but i just want to explain to u wat abuse is. may u never have to see or it or exprairiance it like i do
|wannabe||Posted - 21 September 2008 21:36
bas melech- u asking in general, or because u wanna know if a certain situation/person is abusive? cuz if ur asking the question at all, thats a huge warning sign.
here goes... its a little hard to define these things, but heres what i think- just like physical abuse is hurting someone physically on purpose, verbal/emotional abuse is hurting someone emotionally on purpose. verbal abuse can be just constantly yelling, but things that would be ok to say in a calmer way. emotional abuse is tougher because its more insults, name-calling, belittling, labeling, harsh words- things that are NEVER ok to say.
trust your intuition. if you see a red flag, don't just ignore it- seek help. definitely for yourself (c'v, i hope thats not the case), and if u can, for others...
|Torah=MayimChayim||Posted - 21 September 2008 21:36
Wow, you're definitely going through an intense time, to say the least. But believe it or not, this is NOT normal and you should NOT have to endure this.
Please, please call one of the numbers I list below, okay? You're NOT ALONE!
Shalom Task Force Hotline
Yitti Leibel Helpline
24 Hour Project Tikva Hotline
Ohel Child Abuse reporting hotline
Ohel Teens in Crisis Hotline (NYC)
|tee||Posted - 21 September 2008 21:36
im trapped thats horrible!just because thats your situation now does not mean thats how its meant to be!Hashem has messengers to help you just have to go find them!what you just described is not a normal situation does anyone know about this abuse?you should totally tell someone and get help!please keep me posted with what happens with you good luck!
|stars20||Posted - 21 September 2008 21:36
Oy, I feel so sad for you
This one and other sorts of abuse is the kind of thing that makes me want to scream, THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. Whether it happens at home or somewhere else with someone else, people need to do something about it. It needs to stop.
We're here for you, you are a beautiful, great person, don't give up, look to the future
|Bas Melech 225||Posted - 22 September 2008 0:19
whoa. i read that post and i was like aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. it almost doesn't even sound true it's so horrible. but u should know that Hakadosh Baruch Hu never wants anyone to EVER be hurt like that and just accept it as "this is what Hashem wants me to do" and that kind of abuse should have u taken out of the custody of your parents cuz that is real, awful abuse. I don't know what kind of school u go to but u should--have to!!!--find an adult u trust NOW before things get really violent and tell them everything that's going on. It's really an unhealthy, sick situation and Hashem must think u have such tremendous potential to become such an AMAZING person if he gave u such a hard nisayon. I know it seems that our parents are the moral barometer--and they should be! Parents are there to show us right from wrong and good from bad BUT when u have sick parents (and clearly if ur father is letting ur mother get away with this and he's not interfering then he's sick too) then they can't help u cuz they have to help themselves and u have to protect urself and GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION!!!!!!!! The moderator can probably help u get the number of a rav of someone if u don't have a teacher/adult who can help u. But u really have to get help now!! I dunno if i can stress this enough.
Also, just something that has helped me in the past--Hashem has hashkacha on EVERY SINGLE THING IN THE WORLD a leaf doesn't fall from the branch without Him making it. OF COURSE He knows abt your situation and He's creating it so it must be for a purpose. And He loves u like crazy--they say that the most love between a parent and a child was the love between Sarah to her child Yitzchok. In fact, i think, the midrash says that when she was even shown an image of Akeidas Yitzchok, she couldn't handle it and was niftar. And Hashem loves us an INFINITE TIMES MORE THAN THAT!!! Don't forget that, even when things might seem pointless or too painful, Hashem is ALWAYS there and it's just our job to realize His presence.
If u make the first step and try to get help for yourself in any way you can, the Ribono Shel Olam will give you siyata d'shmaya (iy"H) that u should be able to come out of this situation stronger and closer to Him than before. And that u will b able to get out of this terrible situation very very soon!
"V'Ani Kirvas Elokim Li Tov"
|sosad||Posted - 22 September 2008 0:19
Trapped: This terrible! you are so strong but this cannot go on. there are so many people who could help. I'm working on getting my sibligs taken away and it's really really hard but i left right away and people took care of me. i went to live by a friend and i necer got treated so well. please please get help. I totally know how it feels but since i got help i know a better life. i want you to experience that life too. even if it means calling police- they're out to help people. you are unbelievable though. i got depressed and tried commiting suicide so many times i can't believe you're so strong. but also remember that being strong does not mean not crying or talking ot someone or getting help. please call someone.
|imTRAPPED.help||Posted - 24 September 2008 16:23
WOW. thats all i can say. everyone, thank you so much for writing bak. im shaking! this is the most amazing thing ever. never in my life have i ever exparianced someone telling me or showing me that they care for me at all, except for these few posts that u guys have written. thank you guys, wow thank you for understanding. do u guys really think that? cuz i thought it was all my fault that i was treated like this. i really think that- they always tell me that i am nothing and that if i was normal, they'd treat me normally. wow i have to take a deep breath. u rly think i have to get help? but, i cant! i cant call someone. im scared. im terrified. theres no way i can. and i cant talk to someone. oh no, they will kill me! how can i call a number and explain my situation without my parents finding out? this is rly tricky. i dont get a lot of privacy. i am always watched. mostly. wow, do u rly think i am strong? i guess ure right, this does rly make me stronger. of course, i cannot kill myself, obviously hashem wants me to suffer, and i cant go against him and decide who gets to live and who doesnt. thats not fair. i have to be strong, but its VERY hard. i thank hashem every day for giving me an amazing set of eyes, to see that this is for the best and that its all in his hands. but, im starting to lose energy. phsically. from so many years of abuse, i definitley not doing well- i hardly have enough energy from all my work. and thats why i think i need some help. and thank you guys, everyone! thanks for caring for me and showing me that im not alone- this is the first time in my life that, that has happened. wat should i do next? im stuck...
|sosad||Posted - 28 September 2008 16:55
you better believe it i totally know what it's like and you're awesome.
you must get help though. i nkow it's so scary but once you call you're parents will be so so mad at you but you're safe. so wtvr they might want to do to you (i can only imagine) they won't be able to. i just called an org for help and now i'm safe and my sibs are going to be taken away and put in a place where they will be safe. it took tremendous courage to call but i know i made the right decision. if i could do it i absolutely know that you could too. please please call for help. YOU COULD DO IT!
|josh1||Posted - 28 September 2008 16:55
Of course we care. You are suffering for no reason. As hard and scary as it may be, the best thing that you could do for yourself and family is to speak to someone you trust - an adult.
|stars20||Posted - 28 September 2008 16:55
That is a very hard situation. Do you have a cell phone? maybe you can call one of the hotlines, while at school during recess. Or use a friend's phone and afterwards delete the number from the phone.
|look-upward||Posted - 28 September 2008 16:55
<<obviously hashem wants me to suffer,>>
Not obvious at all. Hashem wants you to get past this. If Hashem for some reason wanted you to suffer, you wouldn't even be able to try to be strong. you'd probablly be sent chas vesholom straight to gehennom instead of being born to begn with. The good also comes from Hashem, and directly, without other people's bechirah involved. and Hashem wants you to get out of this. If yopu cant call for help becuase you dont have privacy, can you fake sickness, or go inn the bathroom and call? even a quick message, or having someone else give the message for you. im sure theyve dealt with situations like yours before and understand and know what to do.
|Bas Melech 225||Posted - 28 September 2008 16:55
cut a class or come home a little late (as long as that won't make anyone @ home suspicious), or go to a friend's house or during lunch or a free period at skewl. and talk to someone. it could be on a phone from a friend's (or acquaintance or teacher or wtvr)house, or it could just be that u sit down w/ a teacher/friend/principal. and tell them wats going on. everything. and they can help u from here. cuz u really need help w/ this sit. that's not at all ur fault but s/t Hashem decided to put u thru cuz He knows u are strong enough to handle it and it can help u realize ur absolutely tremendous potential! keep us posted, we rly do care.
"V'Ani Kirvas Elokim Li Tov"
|imTRAPPED.help||Posted - 06 October 2008 20:37
thanks guys for replying..but i dont think u realize something..im too scared to get help. i cant. it rly isnt that simple. sosad- the problem isnt that my parents will be mad at me. i wont get a chance to live or even to explain! my parents are sick. they will deny everything! let me tell u something- i hve tried getting help b4. in skool a few yeras ago i tried telling a teacher in skool that at home i was abused. she believed me and she told the school principal, nurse, and social worker. they didnt belive her tho. they called me mother and in the end, my mom "apologized" to them that i had a VERY big imagination and that i wud always make stuff up to get attention and so they obviously believed the adult. do u understand wat happens next? i was beaten up so bad..and i learned my lesson- do not even bother getting help. oh its terrible, my parents are rly sick, and they arent normal. i am too scared to get help. im terrified. do u know to wat extent i am saying? i wanna scream it to u! I AM TOO SCARED!! also, i feel that hashem doesnt want me to get help cuz i tried and he "sent me a message" saying not to try it again. i can deal with that happening again. i dont have the energy anymore. it is not that simple! i cant just call and think that they will take me away the next hour. they obviously will do somehting like contact someone else, and i know wat will happen in the end- i will suffer the consequenses. im sorry...u prob shud just give up on me...but thanks for caring!
|taon||Posted - 06 October 2008 20:37
imTrapped, just remeber. we are talking about proffesionals who've heard most of the things abused children say and the claims and denials the abusers make. dont worry about what will happen afterwards. dont worry tat they'll respond like i dont know whoever else you may have told or that it will make things worse or theyll lkeave you or anything. please, dont. just one call, a brief plea or message, then just go along with the flow of things, get to make decisions, and of course daven like im sure we will be doing for you.
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