Anything about JUDAISM
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smile4me Posted - 18 August 2008 15:30
I think i've written some posts like this a while back, but i just read back from pg 83 of the poetry section lol, and read all my poems that i wrote since i was around 13 or 14 yrs old.
I just wanted to say that sometimes when i slip and use my ed and restrict or binge and purge when i'm feeling really bad, i feel like a failure. I feel like i messed up. But looking back to the things i wrote and remembering how severe my ed used to be, i am so proud and happy about how far i've come.
I still have a long way to come, a very long way...but i know i'm never going to back to what my life used to be like; living with my head in the toilet, sleeping and bingeing and purging my entire high school years, etc etc...and one slip or two or three doesnt make me a failure. it makes me normal because thats what a normal "road to recovery" looks like.
i'm writing this because i want people who feel like giving up, people who feel like their life will never get better, people who feel like its not possible to overcome their challenges,...they can get better.
A frumteener once reminded me that when i was 14 or sometjhing like that, he told me i will get past this. and i said when pigs fly...so here i am. i'm really doing it.
some people say, well my life is REALLY horrible, if smile4me had my life, she wouldnt be able to do it.
well i've come from being molested, abused, in and out of hospitals for five years, having an ed my doctors didnt even believe i'd recover from to B"H really being able to live my life.
it didnt just happen. i had to fight every single day to keep myself ok. and i still have a long long way to go but i know im doing it.
sosad Posted - 22 August 2008 19:28
good for you!
LL3 Posted - 22 August 2008 19:28
wow thats amazing, your such an inspiration!!!
torahtemima Posted - 22 August 2008 19:28
You are amazing and so inspiring. Thank you for posting this encouragmetn to other people.
You are so special, keep on growing!
little neshamala Posted - 22 August 2008 19:28
smile4me, i love u.
i have no idea who u r, but i love u.
and that's that.
WhipCream Posted - 22 August 2008 19:28
funny, I posted a topic a few under yours, about my ED,etc. Of the effects, how I feel useless & hopeless, and how everyday I'm still scared that I'll never be better. Anorexia, bulimia, the purging, the binging, the binging again...I've been through it all. I've recovered, I've relapsed, I've recovered again..it's a never-ending cycle. Right now, I've been going through a really rough time with my ed. I'm really trying to..try. It's my new thing = ). I think your amazing though, because trust me, I know how hard it can be.
AliveAgain Posted - 22 August 2008 19:28
Wow, smile4me! You really are an inspiration! I'm so happy to hear you say these things!
You really have come far, and the fact you can acknowledge it is a huge accomplishment.
May you continue to be an inspiration for all!

"When you reach a stumbling block, use it as a stepping stone"*****"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce!"

rayray Posted - 25 August 2008 17:47
thats awsome that u have the humillity to say yes i messed up, but i can pick myself up and learn from the mistakes. i sometmes have that problem. i will relapse and get sober but have a hard time going back to 12 step meetings cuz i am embarassed


dogs bark, birds fly, me not using today is like a dog flying!!!thank you higher power for waking me up today!!!

green Posted - 25 August 2008 17:47
Smile4me, that's amazing.
This is just so good to see.Good for you and may your strength keep taking you everywhere you want to go,BEH.
seven Posted - 25 August 2008 17:47
baruch haShem- we have Him helping us out. You did so well for yourself, im a little jealous =p.
1&only Posted - 25 August 2008 17:47
Kol hakavod, smile. Keep it up!
cheers! Posted - 26 August 2008 15:29
i agree with everyone but i like how seven said it... keep it up smile!! u rock!! :-)
smile4me Posted - 28 August 2008 14:51
hey seven, dont be jealous he he...
its exhausting sometimes. for example i had an absolutely horrid weekend in terms of being so out of control. but the difference is i refused to let it be more than the weekend and im working insanely hard to make sure i dont go back there...
wannabe Posted - 01 September 2008 17:27
smile- the amount of strength and determination u have is insane. i'm sure it doesnt come easy. ur really an inspiration to me and everyone!!!!
depressed4eva Posted - 04 May 2011 22:20
Smile4me- I was just feeling very down, like however hard I keep trying to pick myslelf up I keep on getting "stuck in the mud..." And I came across this post which gave me the ability2 believe that if you who went through so much and yet continue to prevail, so can I. Thank you!
smile4me Posted - 20 May 2011 0:13
yes, you definitely can. <3 <3 <3

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