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|sandythedog||Posted - 15 July 2008 15:15
I found someone just like me, great hashkafot..the main issue is parnasa..even i would support until he finishes school,if i am able(b4 kids,iy"H) or he would support and not go to school..my parents are concerned that even after his degree i will still have to work(the discussion was mainly full time working) and that i wouldn't see my kids(they would be with a babysitter),chas v'shalom...but i feel as if i'm not alone..there is someone like me...does this make me selfish?? then i am putting my want to find someone b4 my children/their needs possibly..help!
|DannyBoy67||Posted - 16 July 2008 13:37
IF you met a great guy and you both think that you're each others bashert dont let parnasa get in the way. Hashem will give you everything you need.
While taking care of children yourself is ideal, many mothers do utilize babysitters (there are even frum babysitters too) to a certain extent.
Also, not every couple has a baby immediately (a Rav needs to be consulted about that).
Whatever the circumstances are, they can be worked out. I suggest that you talk to a person (teacher, rabbi etc.) who you are close with to decide how to handle the situation. Hatzlacha.
|HeartMindnSoul||Posted - 16 July 2008 13:37
Sandy, first whatever happens in the end, it should work out for the best.
As for this guy, i dont know the exact situation, but if everything else really seems to click well, then id say continue seeing him. In terms of Parnassah, its really hard to predict what may happen in the future. There are defintely options of working from home so you can see your kids or working part time. Also, the time you spend with your kids may not be as much as youd like it to, but i feel that its the quality of time that makes the difference. This is really my opinion, but it also may be best to ask your rabbi or anyone you can talk it over with. Lots of Hatzlacha and keep us posted!
|*eye_of_a_needle*||Posted - 16 July 2008 13:37
First of all, mazal tov on finding the right guy!
Secondly, the issues you have could occur with any shidduch. There's always a risk that you won't have parnasa - but ultimately, that's all down to HaShem. You need to do what's right, and that includes marrying the person who is most likely to help you to fulfill your potential and tachlis, and HaShem will provide whatever else you need.
Your children will be better off in a poorer home with parents who set an example of what a healthy, loving relationship looks like, rather than a wealthy home where their parents aren't fully happy together.
Hope everything goes well... looking forward to hearing good news sometime soon!
"Open for me an opening the size of the eye of a needle, and I will open an opening the size of a palace"
|depressedAngel||Posted - 18 July 2008 13:23
i didnt read this whole thing but i just wanted to respond to s/t danny said. i disagree with the statement that if youre great for eachother dont let parnasa stand in the way. w'ere not supposed to be relying on miracles for parnasa. unless the supermarkets let you send your bills to G-d, you should have a plan for how youre going to be supporting ur family and putting bread on the table. if you go into marriage la la la e/t will just work out then there will be alot of tension and friction when you realize that somehow ur going to need $ to pay the bills.
|torahtemima||Posted - 23 July 2008 14:53
i think DA is right. you can't rely on miracles for parnasa, just like you don't rely on miracles to keep you alive- you eat every day instead.
|yg||Posted - 24 July 2008 17:14
well- its been awhile since i last posted- like 3 years or something. i just came across this topic and i felt that i had to add something. i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but even with a degree, the financial situation being what it is these days, most couples do both work to make ends meet- that is just reality. sometimes you get lucky and your husband gets a great job so you dont have to, or sometimes after you have your fourth kid, you decide that it is time to be a stay at home mom. but really, with the price of living going higher through the roof daily- you may have to work, degree and all. the best you can do is daven to Hashem that things should be easy financially and that He gives you whatever you need. but i will tell you this firsthand- you have to do your hishtadlus, that is true, but with the right person by your side, you get through the hard times, whatever they may be... best of luck!
|taon||Posted - 27 July 2008 14:56
it doesn thave to mean relying on miracles. if you have a way of getitng parnassah, thats your histaldus. a high paying job isnt necessary.
questions? go here:
|thinkingitover||Posted - 27 July 2008 14:56
ask someone who you trust - in real life
|look-upward||Posted - 27 July 2008 14:56
yg, you staying around?
|yg||Posted - 31 July 2008 1:35
dunno- you gonna make it worth my while? remember- you have stiff competition... interesting topics online or homework with 4 kids, huh...
|sandythedog||Posted - 25 November 2009 22:40
So,i'm back to post another question, regarding a similar scenerio:
guy and i click,comfortable with one another, really connected,but spiritually,he's not where i am yet-which is okay,since that is where he is headed(and he started moving that way,so i believe it to be true). The issue is that since he's not up to where i am, and he's not as 'nice' as i am,as in he's nice,but he doesn't have that sweetness, if i had to choose someone based on spirituallity, or sweetness, i might pick a different person-but,um,i'm really connected to him and we're in <3, whatever that means for the frum world(and yes,we are shomer and dating for marriage). How do i figure out if my happiness should come before spirituality in a sense? i mean,it can't, but we should be able to grow together, i just need a sign of sorts,something to run on. Any advice?
|josh1||Posted - 29 November 2009 16:05
An answer to that is best found with a real person not online. Discuss how you feel with a mentor, rabbi, or someone who you think can give you good advice.
|Matisyohu28||Posted - 28 December 2009 1:33
Love is built on many years, as Im sure you know. Saying that you're in love with the guy is going to completely throw your judgement - when you say he;'s not 'where you are ' spiritually, what does that mean? you need someone on the outside to evaluate these spiriotual chisronos and tell you if it's a big deal or not, or if it is, is it something to question the shidduch's viability(since you cant view the situation too well from inside, i mean, you think you're in love! and if you are, that's enough bias right there!)
Mussar teaches you how to live. But learning bava kama is living! - Rav Avigdor Miller ZT'L
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