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|music||Posted - 03 March 2003 2:45
Hi okay I have this problem that although im happy and normal in the inside I have this thing inside of me that keeps bugging me and every so often pops up and explodes. Its not so major thatís why I didnít want to write about it for so long. Nothing like abuse or anything of the sort just that I feel that my father is very very hypocritical. Like one day heíll get all into a frummy mood and go hard on everyone and other days ill see him doing the same thing himself and he dosent care if we all do it. I dunno it really sounds stupid. But when parents are hypocritical it sends very very awkward messages to the kids. Some days its alright to do this and other not??like hello if you think this isnít right then stand up for your morals and donít change them. I feel like my father really doesnít care about any of us because itís like okay when he does it but when one of usÖ.. its just notÖ.stable. thatís the word and I think kids need stability. Is there anyone out there who can identify with this?? What did you do how did you react? Let me know. thanks
|DannyBoy67||Posted - 04 March 2003 22:47
You are 100% correct. It feels very weird and even upsetting when your parents tell you not to do something but do it themselves and vice versa. You have to understand one thing though PARENTS ARE NOT PERFECT! Parents are human beings and make mistakes. They regret doing things just like you and me. Parents also want whats bests for their children.If a parent has been smoking for 20 years and knows it harmful to him and hates it and wants to stop but doesnt he is not a hippocrite for yelling at his son for smoking. The parent is addicted and wants to stop but, can't. It is only out of love for his son, that he constantly harasses him not to smoke. If parents seem to be hypocritical at times try to understand why. Always remember one thing: YOUR PARENTS WANT WHATS BEST FOR YOU!! Sometimes they might not know whats best for you, but they love you and want to help you in life to the best of their ablity.
|iq613||Posted - 10 March 2003 19:23
hi my parents are divorced.my mom is way more modern than my dad. i see my mom wearing short skirts that id never were.but a child is supposed to follow in their parents footsteps right?so then why cant i follow in my moms and not in my supersuper religious dads?their both my paqrents and their both raising me but they do such opposits things!!!!!
|lesakein||Posted - 12 March 2003 3:57
The Torah anticipated your situation, iq613, when it juxtaposed the mitzva of honoring your parents to the mitzva of Shabbos. It teaches that if your parents want you to do something against the Torah (e.g. violate Shabbos), Torah comes first, and you are not to listen to your parents. Of course, you should still try to treat your mother respectfully. But as far as guidelines for life, you have the Torah.
|lesakein||Posted - 17 March 2003 20:45
DannyBoy's right, y'know. As far as what you can do, part of growing up is establishing yourself, and this challenging situation gives you the ability to decide, no way am I going in that hypocritical direction. If you don't want your kids looking at you like you're looking at your parents, you need to start working on developing the hashkafa you want. A side benefit will be that you will be happy with your direction in life :) Usually, you will find that once you're busy with your growth, other people's mistakes don't matter so much.
|DannyBoy67||Posted - 17 March 2003 20:45
You shouldn't follow in a parents footsteps if it will bring you down in Judaism. If a persons father lets say, was a huge Tzadik, it would be great for his son to try to follow in his footsteps, but if you'd ask me I'd say let him be his own person. If he's going to be a Tzadik its because he worked on himself and not because his father was a tzadik.
|shmatta||Posted - 17 March 2003 20:45
what do YOU believe in? take it from there
|life?!?!||Posted - 17 March 2003 20:45
it has nothing to do with following your mother or father. it has to do with following ureself. u are ure own person. ure not a copy of ure mother. u ureself have to decide what u want to be like, and what u think is the right thing. parents are not persfect. and kids tend to think if my mothers doing it, dresses like that than so can i. one has nothing to do with the other. u are not her. ure ure own person. (i think im being repetitious) just do it cuz u think its right or wrong. be yourself.
|proud2bfrum||Posted - 31 August 2003 15:40
I used to be have a simialar problem. My mother has always been very strict with me in what I can and can't do, but never really enforced the values. In middles school I was sent to a co-ed school, but couldn't have relationships with guys.I was supposed to be very careful abot tznius, but not so much so that it "cramped my style". There were a bunch of things like that. Now I'm in highschool and I find myself telling my mother, "I don't want to go there because that's where guys and girls hang out," and also, "I can't buy that it shows my collar bone." For a long time I was very confused, but then I learned how to seperate what my mother does from what she says. I am fortunate to have a mother who rooted into me a desire to do what is right, but she sometimes gets confused. So what? She's a human too.
|rollercoasterride||Posted - 13 July 2005 16:48
i know exactly what you mean, omg i was even going to write a whole new category about this until i saw yours. Recently we went on vacation, to my mothers family who is not jewish. (she converted). Shes been less strict with kosher, we are in a country where there are no hechshers, just books with kosher food, and now it seems since nothing has a hecsher, everything is kosher. Than one day shes like DONT EAT THAT THATS NOTKOSHER. She also just randomly stopped covering her hair which really hits me in a tough place, because she told me that she started to cover her hair because i asked her to. It really makes me glad that i can share my problems with everyone else, not only completely anonomysly but with ppl who can understand.
|ner daluk||Posted - 15 July 2005 13:33
proud2bfrum (i know its been 2 years but...) it just reminded me of my years in high school. Many things that the schools hashkafa was against was allowed inside of school. Like reading magazines, watching tv, and internet is bad but the books we read in English were NOT censored and after you read them in school you're allowed to watch the movie of that book and homework/ papers may envolve looking things up on the internet... go figure.
I had to do the same thing you did which took me a long time to realize that that's what needed to be done. But to anyone else who is confused or in a hypocritical situation you MUST MUST separate the halacha from the other half. After i realized what i was supposed to be doing i was so much happier
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