Anything about JUDAISM
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Shira Posted - 08 November 2000 20:36
Hi. I'm a 16 year old bais yaakov girl. Beginning in fifth grade i have always had a strong anger towards my parents. Over the years my anger has been building up. Ever since i was a little girl my parents have basically planned out my life for me (including type of guy they want for me, school, seminary, what i'm going to do at every hour of the day and etc.)...i think u get my point. As you can tell they are WAY overprotective of me. Here's a story to illistrate my point: this past summer i went to niagra falls with my family. one night when my whole family was walking by the falls my father told me that i must hold his hand because he said he didn't want anything to happen to me even though i was walking close to my family.
My anger towards my parents continues to build up every day. I tried talking to them about changing my school and they basically said, ''too bad.'' I really need help because i can't have a normal conversation without getting upset at them and this is ruining my life. I have no freedom to make choices. Hope u can help me.
Thank You
MODERATOR Posted - 09 November 2000 3:00
We need to figure out what approach to use when you talk to your parents. So please tell me a little about them.

Is there any reason you might think of that they are so overprotective? Did they have a ba experience with a sibling of yours, or perhaps in their own lives...are they holocaust survivors? Anything?

Do they have anyone in their lives who they respect, that they would listen to if they spoke to them. Maybe a Rebbe or a Rosh Yeshiva? Perhaps even a close frinds of theirs?

Second, a little about them personally. Their ages (approximate), backgrounds, the community you live in, please. Is there any dysfunction in your home (no sholom bayis,

Third, some info on your relationship with them. Is their overinvolvement in your decisions the only reason for your anger? Is frumkeit a cause of friction? When you were much younger - like 5 or 10 - what were the fights with your parents about then?

Last, a bit about yourself. Are you angry at others in your life besides you parents? School? Do you do well there? Do you get along with your teachers? Do you have close friends? Are there any adults in your life that you confide in? Besides this parent thing, is there any other elements of your life that you are angry about?

justwondering Posted - 23 January 2002 4:37
shira i know exactly how u feel! my parents (well its mostly my mother) are extremely overprotective! i mean like i couldnt ride my bike across the neighborhood until i was 13! and i dotn live in a bad neighborhood. my mom says she does this stuff cuz she loves me and all that, but what really bothers me is that all my friends are allowed to do stuff that i cant, and i have to sit at home knowing that they're out there having fun without me! not only that but i have an older sister who went thru a bad experience with my parents, and now they let her do basically anything. during my sister's eperience with my parents, they sent her to a psychiatrist, and he told her that my parents were nuts! and he was frum too! ive tried all the tricks...sitting down talking to my parents telling them how i feel, writing notes, etc. we end up talking about it, but getting nowhere!! and i get frustrated all over again. i thought that my parents were the most overprotective, but i see that im not the only one!
Shira Posted - 23 January 2002 23:12
hey...actually my parents havent been as over-protective lately..maybe its b/c we've had more of a relationship. i think with my relationship with my parents there was total lack of trust and now we talk about stuff so we learned to trust each other. once u learn to trust each other they wont be as over-protective. good luck, shira
UGoGirl Posted - 30 July 2003 22:43
I've been having issues with my parents lately. It's not like i'm a bad kid or anything - i think i'm pretty good as far as kids go but one thing i cant stand is when my parents try to tell me what to do. I am almost 17 and i think i'm old enough to make the decisions about the type of person i want to be. I think i'm turning out a little less frum then my parents would like and it feels wierd because all my friends are becoming more religious than their parents and fighting that kind of opposition and here i am just trying to be myself, which is not who they want me to be. We used to be really close and they used to be so accepting when i went through a rebellious stage which was much worse than anything i'm doing now they never said anything and were supportive and now, that i'm finally deciding this is how i want to live my life, their sticking their heads in and fighting me at every turn. I can't stand them anymore! But then again, i can't help but feel like maybe i should just go with the flow and be the same kind of kid everyone in my city is - but i cant because that is totally against my personality. i'm a non conformist by nature so thats not even an option but im at a loss as to how to deal with my parents.

They used to tell me, "Cheer up! Things could get worse!"
So, I cheered up and, sure enough, things got worse.

1&only Posted - 17 August 2003 3:05
UgoGirl-i know, i know, i know!! Same thing here. I don't get it- i should think that at my age i'd be able to make some choices by myself, like about clothes and stuff at least, but nope, they have to dictate every single thing in my life. This has been going on since i was like 13, and i kept thinking it would get better as i got older, but it hasn't, and i think i've had enough. I think one of their life goals is to completely stifle my individuality. i don't like making them mad, but what choice do i have? if they don't let me do anything, how can i help "defying" them? What do i do?
bjangel Posted - 17 May 2004 14:11
maybe it isn't that your 'rents don't trust you it it's that they don't trust the rest of the world. I'm in a similar sich my rents basically won't let me cross the street by myself and i'm 17 and live in an extremly safe neighbourhood!!!!
senior09 Posted - 09 June 2006 19:09
just kno, some of us WISH our parents loved us that much that they would be overprotective

"if the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher!"

mendytm Posted - 06 July 2006 2:04
yah i agree bjangel, cuz ive been trying to get my own email and sn for a long time and my parents said that they trust me but they dont trust the outside world. it really gets on my nerves.
senior09: what u said is really true, but its also with anything. like a girl in my class's sis passed away and whenever someone in my class complains about one of their sisters, i feel really bad for her. b"h its usually not that severe but u get the idea...


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