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|lilmitzvagirl613||Posted - 23 December 2007 23:37
I am an Orthadox S.Y. jewish girl who loves Torah,Shabbat and most importantly Hashem. And ever since I was verry little I wanted to be much more religious than my family (ex. not ride a bike on Shabbat; Be tzniut, and shomer negia, keep laws of kashrut more carefully ect...)And normally I excpect my mother to support me and be extremely proud of the girl I am becoming. Except its completly opposite every time I wear a skirt(outside of school)or want to go to shul she gets upset and sayz things like "Whats wrong w/ the way I do things, or doesn't it teach u in da Torah Cavod Av Ve Em? so why would u disobeye what I tell you." This gets me really confused and I don't know what to do. HELP PLEASE I CAN REALLY USE SOME ADVISE THANKS A MILL...<3
|MODERATOR||Posted - 24 December 2007 19:46
Your mother is probably afraid of losing you. She doesnít understand why you want to be more religious, and thinks itís just teenage rebelliousness.
Explain that the idea isnít that you are better. You are trying to grow in a proper way. Explain that you want to improve yourself and become closer to your roots ( parents like words like that), and you still respect her for how she is. You have no obligation to change her. Instead of changing and expressing yourself through cults and hair dye, you are trying to dress in a more comfortable, suitable fashion, experience more of Shabbos, etc. Tell her you are not trying to be a rabbi, but following the words of scholars and teachers. You want to follow exactly whatís prescribed for you in the Torah, just like youíd follow whatís medically prescribed for you. Emphasize things like self-realization, and that you need to understand things your way. You donít mean to separate from your family, or put them down. You just want to grow in the way best for you. Cite family as role models, if possible. Also explain that you want to fulfill Kibud Aim as much as you can, and show an effort in bein adam lichavero mitzvos. Show her what it means to be a religious Jew, the beauty of it, without ever acting like you are putting her down. Say close to family, as much as you can without hindering your spiritual growth. Do you have religious friends, who you could show as the kind of people you want to be? This is only temporary. Try to find someone you can talk to on a regular basis, and Iíd suggest going to a more religious environment, at least for camp and/or school/seminary. Preferably boarding. Would going to Israel be a possibility?
|taon||Posted - 24 December 2007 22:08
this site http://www.beingjewish.com/family/ has a lot of helpful info. And yes, i checked, the site has been ok'd here before.
|asher||Posted - 24 December 2007 22:08
you are really special for wanting to be more religious, i admire you.
there is no need to feel guilty about the things your mother tell you, in fact the miztvah is bigger according to how hard it is to come by. in reality by being more frum you are doing your mother a favor, obviously she does not understand that, you should try to explain it to her NICELY, or have somebody else talk to her that she will likely accept more than you. but even if she won't change her mind there is no obligation to listen to your mother in regard to anything against the torah, on the contrary you are obligated not to listen, so shomer negiah and wearing a skirt is definitely something you should not listen to her, but again try your best to arrange that she should not be against it. but if worst comes to worst, remember you are really doing good to her only she doesn't understand, and don't worry G-d is with you the torah is with you and we are with you.
|out-of-the-box||Posted - 24 December 2007 22:08
Lilmitzvagirl- First of all, I truly respect and admire you for trying to become frummer against your mom's wishes. Yasher koach!
Second, I'm sorry that I can't offer you much advice, but I have heard that a person is allowed to go against his/her parents if they are forcing him/her to go against the Torah. In other words, keeping the other, fundamental mitzvos in the Torah override the mitzvah of kibbud av v'aim. Although I'm sure that a person must check with their LOR (local orthodox Rabbi) for specific cases.
Do you have a Rabbi or a mentor who can give you chizuk (encouragement) and with whom you can talk. I cannot stress enough how important this is in your case, and you should try to find someone.
Also, I don't know if this is possible, but it would be absolutely amazing if you or someone else can show your mother the beauty of Yiddishkeit. (You didn't mention your father, so I don't know about him.) That way, you too can become frummer together!!!
I really hope everything works out! Yasher koach for all that you are doing! I'm sure it's not easy; you sound like an incredible person.
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