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|macmomac132||Posted - 11 December 2007 1:21
hi my mom is getting remarried .she is not as frum as before and therefore there will be mixed dancing at the wedding.she has told me that i MUST!! stay. i would fake sick but shed know im lying and reasoning with her proves to be fruitless.what do i do??
|Matisyohu28||Posted - 11 December 2007 15:39
Mixed dancing is assur, plain and simple. you have no chiyuv for kivud av ve'aim when a parent tells you to break halacha, so you are not obligated to listen to her when she tells you to do so. moreover, this has nothing to do with being "more" or "less" frum. either you follow halacha, or you dont. those adjectives are used to describe a person's supposed level of observance, and they are misleading because they make people think that it is acceptable to be "less" frum. many times people have told me they dont keep shomer negiah becaue "thats only for very frum people" and i can think of many other such examples. the point is, she's not following a halacha, she is not only doing that but she is asking you to violate halacha as well. try talking to her respectfully and explain to her that it is against your beliefs for you to attend, if she does not understand, maybe get a rav to talk to her.
Mussar teaches you how to live. But learning bava kama is living! - Rav Avigdor Miller ZT'L
|macmomac132||Posted - 12 December 2007 4:43
i tried to get my rosh yeshiva to talk to her but he said that if i only stay and just dont do anything it solves the problem but i disagree
|wannabe||Posted - 12 December 2007 4:43
U hafta dance? ... or just be there?
|green||Posted - 12 December 2007 16:27
mac, if your rosh yeshiva said that it's ok, then trust him. I know you must be frustrated from the whole situation, especially if it seems like no one gets where you're coming from....and maybe make some time to talk to your mom about what you're thinking-but don't threaten to not go to the wedding. It's something that's very emotional, and it sounds like not going to the wedding is, for you, a way of saying how much something in the relationship is hurting you-but I don't think you're going to get what you need that way. It could just turn into where your mother feels criticized and you feel hurt. Can you be straight out with her-and still ready to know that things might not change?
|wannabe||Posted - 14 December 2007 17:43
oh.. didnt realize you were a guy. but that doesn't actually change things if your rosh yeshiva said to go...
|taon||Posted - 16 December 2007 1:37
Taking for ganted the Rosh Yeshivah is reliable, he may be applying leniencies he usually wouldn't becuase of the delicate situation. Try asking him for specifics, or advice.
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