Anything about JUDAISM
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Nam Posted - 31 May 2002 22:49
hey i have a prob.. I was told by a reverred rav that there are only two times that one can disobey ones parents A) when they tell u to do s/thing against the Torah or B) if they tell you to go to a learning institution.

Does this apply to sems as well or is it non-frum or non-jewish institutions only like universities etc.

This is the sit my parents wqnt me to go to a sem i dont want to go to which i feel would not be good for me but they maintain that the halacha only refers to nonjewish institutions where it would be bad for ones neshama etc. but can i do nothing if my parents force me to go to a certain sem? can i not disobey them i really thought a sem was a learning institution.
why doesnt it fit under this category or does it?

MODERATOR Posted - 31 May 2002 23:11
There are more than those times when you dont have to listen - please sees the boards. A new sefer recently came out by R. Ovadiah Yosef's son on Hilchos Kibud Av V'Em - Yalkut Yosef, which is very thorough, though a bit off topic at times.

The halchah is that is the fatehr wants the son to learn Torah in a certina place he does nto listen if he feels that he can learn better elsewhere. There is a great quesiton ifthis aplies to girls in girls' schools, since they are not commanded in the mitzvah of talmud torah.

I believe that a girl may defy her parents' wishes to learn in anothe school, since the girl is obligated to attian yiras shamayim as best she can. Secular schools are not convered, neither for boys or girls, under this, and are subject to the normal laws of Kibud Av"a.

yideleh Posted - 03 June 2002 3:42
mod, are you saying that if you decided that your daughter would go to a certain school, but she really wants to go to another one, because she thinks she'll gain more from it, you'll let her do what she wants????????
MODERATOR Posted - 03 June 2002 3:48
No, I wouldnt. All this means is that she is allowed to defy me and do it anyway, without violating Kibud Av.

smile a day Posted - 07 November 2002 4:15
how can that be? the parents must know better that one school is better for the child!??!
senior09 Posted - 28 March 2006 17:31

I don't know who you are, but I'm kind of assuming you're a parent.

Maybe YOU do know what's best for your kids. Maybe you know them better than they know themselves, and maybe you can make better decisions for them than they can make for themselves.

But many parent do not know their children like this, and can't do that.

My parents don't know me AT ALL. And if they wanted me to go to a school that I didn't want to go to, I highly doubt it would be the best one for me.

Obviously, some kids are too immature to make the best decision, and some parents are well enough in sync with their kids to make the best decision.

But not all.

wannabe Posted - 11 December 2006 4:38
what if your parents are making you go to college.
taon Posted - 12 December 2006 22:33
I'm having a similar problem. are you able to convince them of another viable option?
I_Luv_NY Posted - 22 January 2007 23:52
You know, i have the opposite problem. I really want to go to a sem but they won't let me. And I think it's not fair because almost all of my friends are going this year. I know I will be going next year but the idea of spending one more year and having few friends doesn't sound good to me. But that's the way it is and i gotta accept it cause they won't change their minds. So my only way, i guess, it's dealing with it and making it a fun year, even if it all leads to a boring one..
*eye_of_a_needle* Posted - 16 May 2008 0:21
When I was 11 and starting high school, I wanted to go to a particular one and my parents sent me to th one I am in now. I through a huge tantrum and was certain that they were making the wrong decision and that they didn't know me at all.
Now, 5 years later, I am eternally thankful that my parents sent me where they did, as I have grown in my school more than I possibly could have in the other one.
However when it comes to deciding on a seminary, once I'm 18, I feel that I am intelligent enough and in touch with myself enough to decide. And my parents would never force me to go to a different one because they understand this.
I think it's important to specify ages here.
goodgurl823 Posted - 27 April 2009 20:37
i totally agree with senior 09. i hated my junior high and when it came to hs my parents didnt let me have any say in the desicion of where i would go, b/caz they thopought that they knew best. i didnt go to the hs i wanted to go to, but to this day i still think that i would have done better and been happier there. parents are not always right and kids are not Just kids, specially teenagers.

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