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|smile2meornot||Posted - 11 February 2002 21:22
i have worn short sleeves as long as i can remember. im thinking about stopping this summer. would this be a good way of stopping:
start off by wearing shortsleevs only 3 times a week, and every like week or two make it less like twice a week then once a week then never? or must i stop all at once?
|MODERATOR||Posted - 12 February 2002 22:06
You must stop all at once.
However, if you cannot or will nto do that, it is still much, much better to cut it down, than to do it all the time. And it is definitely obligatory at least to stop slowly rather than not to stop at all.
However, I believe that it would be easier for you to stop cold turkey than slowly, in this case. Wearing short sleeves a few times a week will just make it harder and harder for you to break away. If this were a physical or emotional habit, then slowly would be easier. but it is not a habit, but rather a choice and a value that need to be changed. Such things are usualyl made harder by trying to stop slowly.
That having been said, you should expect that after you stop you may have some setbakcs. You may find yourself wearing short sleeves after you committed yourself not to. If that happens - and it may - then the next day just forget what happened yestderday, and make sure you wear your long sleeves. Even if you lose a battle, the next day is a new fight. And you will win the war.
It is extremely imperatve that even though I am suggesting stopping all out at once, you should not look at this as an all-or-nothing endeavor, meaning, that if you break your committment once, it means ots all over. Its not! We all fall. We just gotta shake our heads, get back up, and start over. The Yetzer Horah tries to convince us this way that we are not "cut out" for changing. Dont let him trick you.
|Rasco||Posted - 12 February 2002 23:54
Congratulations! You've decided to do a big thing. People will tell you otherwise, but I feel that stopping "cold-turkey" is the best way. Tell yourself, "I cover my elbows at all times", until it becomes a part of who you are. B'H its so easy to find tzniusdik clothing year round. WHen I was younger, only "chassidish" girls whoud wear 3/4 length sleeves, now everywhere you look, thats what they sell! It's amazing! It just shows that Hashem controls the world, and if he wants the fashion industry to sell 3/4 length sleeves, that's what will be. Back to the whole idea of quiting, its not going to be so easy, but by saying you'll wear short sleeves every other day, your setting yourself up for failure. Instead try saying, "In public I cover my elbow, but when I'm in my house I don't have to", this will be a start and if you know that there are situations when you aren't 100% obligated to cover your elbow, it'l be easier to make the transition. If you have a setback, don't feel discouraged and just remember that everyday you have the opprotunity to try again! Good luck, and your doing a wonderful thing for yourself.
|me2||Posted - 12 February 2002 23:54
in general, we always learnt that its better to go bit by bit but im not sure if this applies to tznius b/c once u put on short sleeves on monday you might feel its ok and then say "why not" on tuesday. when i had a similar issue i just quit cold turkey-- gave away all my short skirts-- and continued to recieve chizzuk on what i was doing to know it was right. it helps to buy cool stuff that is tznius so you'll have a motive.
|Nicole||Posted - 13 February 2002 10:40
what's with the "cold turkey"? Did u guys do that on purpose? :)
|Rasco||Posted - 14 February 2002 1:13
"Cold Turkey" is just an expression, no deeper symbolism implied, but I kind of understand what your talking about!
|smile2meornot||Posted - 14 February 2002 2:49
okay, I understand that I should really do it all at once, and I will try my hardest to only wear longsleeves this summer but .. It's easy to say thiat in the winter! I really feel like I dont know if i'll be able to do it!:( im so scared i'll totaly fail and quit and then HaShem will be even more mad! u know what i mean? its so hard! but i'll try it, i really will.. but what if i cant?
p.s. thanks for all your replys!
|MODERATOR||Posted - 14 February 2002 7:51
Then you try again. Then you get credit for trying. Hashem only askes that we put our best effort into it. Success is His department. But we cannot fool ourselves into thinking that we cannot do more when we really can.
Those who try their best often get siyata d'shmaya and accomplish more than they originally thought they ever could.
|yideleh||Posted - 14 February 2002 11:28
One thing you should keep in mind smile, is that Hashem won't get more upset if you try and then fail. It says sheva yipol tzadik vekam. A tzadik falls 7 times but gets up every time. That's how you're supposed to look at it. Try your hardest. If you fall back, just pick up the pieces and try again. Perseverence and good will is what Hashem wants to see. The rest is also a lot of siyata dishmaya.
|Rasco||Posted - 16 February 2002 0:16
Sleeves that cover your elbow don't have to be "long', you can wear sleeves that just cover your elbow, as long as its covered. It's not so bad!
|BaisYakGirl||Posted - 11 May 2003 22:20
OMG, your decision is so tremendous and amazing! I've been brought up as a Bais Yaakov girl, and have covered my elbows as long as i can remember. I am really impressed that you have this idea, and really hope you're successful at it. You seem ready-Good Luck!!!!!!
|batyisroel613||Posted - 15 January 2006 22:00
My mother always wore short sleeves, and I never even realized that there was a halacha not to. Once I never really did anything until I turned Bat Mitzvah, when I stopped Cold Turkey. Trust me, it's much easier. I also stopped wearing sandels without socks, I just did each thing quick all at once. My sister was having some trouble, but it's better in the long run to just STOP. Good luck!
|shefelah||Posted - 08 February 2006 22:18
Of course HaShem won't be mad if u fail, as long as you try your hardest. In a sense, it's a gift that all we need to do is try our hardest-- because it is very capable. Just think each day when u get up in the morning, "Am i really that un-motivated and careless of what I need to do in this world, that just because its hot or it looks good I should go against the mission that brang me into this world, that keeps me alive???"
|mykindofsong||Posted - 04 August 2008 18:30
Hey! Yasher koach that you want to start covering your elbows from your own choice. When I was going into 9th grade, I was in a co-ed camp where everyone wore short sleeves (or cap) with pants and I had just learned the halachos of tznious and wanted to follow them. This is how I did it: that summer, I started wearing in the middle of my arm (as opposed to cap or really short sleeves). When camp ended, I said hey, I'm ready to wear right above my elbow, and that's what I did. At another point (like another year) I said ok I'm going to try and wear below my elbow. Right now i b"h am perfect about covering my elbows and have absolutely no problem and I think going about it in a slower way allowed me to really make the Halacha something I was sensitized to and something that is able to be permanent.
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